this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
