Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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