Already got asked if we're dating
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
