i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
only you would photoshop your dick
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
