I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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