My first STD was from a foam party
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
