HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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