i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
