So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
