you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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