Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
