she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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