we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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