If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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