I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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