At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
