So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
