she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
