so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I intend to get homeless drunk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
