They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
