; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
