from now on my penis is your penis
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
