she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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