so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
