The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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