I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
