and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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