u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
