We're like a lot better than the average bears
well you can't waste a boner
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
