everyone is single if you try hard enough
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
