He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i think i have two assholes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
