fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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