My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
