I just made out with a guy for $7.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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