yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
3 2 1 whiskey
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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