You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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