Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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