he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
