dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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