I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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