I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
