Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
