so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
