If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
