So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
