Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
