Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
