I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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