Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's a Shit stain on my heart
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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