Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
